One Resolution…


"I Will Achieve my Goals" by Decoylab

On New Year’s Eve, I had a grand list of resolutions and goals going in my journal.

  • weight loss
  • whole house organization, accompanied by charts, graphs and glossy photo “after” shots
  • monthly artistic assignments, blogged about regularly
  • more frequent dates with my kids
  • every other week brunch at our house with friends
  • sleepovers for the four older kids each weekend
  • read through the bible and journal
  • daily yoga
  • regular hiking on weekends
  • on, and on, and on.

Then I woke up on New Year’s Day with a kid hangover… The special cocktail: get up with a sick baby from three to seven, after waiting up for the oldest until almost one.  (I party like a rock star, I know).

The morning after, all these goals not only seemed ridiculous and unattainable, but repulsive. …They basically represented just the opposite of what I’d ever want to do with my life.  (Ah, the perspective of a sleep deprived woman…)

After some reflection and coffee (and then some more coffee), I saw clearly.  I realized in two hours what typically takes me two months to acknowledge.

to do list printables

"Owl To Do List" by Boy Girl Party

I was never going to do all that anyways.

I’d already suspected this, even yesterday, while I wrote on clean, new pages in my 2012 journal.  Something seemed off, but I pressed on anyhow.

The burblings of something important were trying to break through, however…  and they did, shining clearly through the fog!  This is something I know (and have even blogged about) but forget frequently.

Do what’s most important first.  Everything else will fall into place, or just fall off.

I am a deeply spiritual person; a Christian (although I am loathe to use that term for all the weird and sometimes well-deserved negative connotations).  In almost every way, my faith defines me… all of me (a creation) coming from the source of my creator, and all of me attempting to be headed toward that source as well.  My own creativity – coming from and headed toward my creator; my love for my family, the questions I have about life, my joy in natural beauty, my intrigue in and enjoyment of all kinds of people… all come from my source and my goal.  Even the yucky parts of me – my selfishness, despair, impatience, self-righteousness –  are at the very least being submitted for transformation and grace.

New Year's 2011So this is what’s most important to me.  And as important as it is, somehow, the ways in which I nurture this relationship with God – my faith – can get lost in the shuffle of dishes, packing lunches, napping, calorie counting, and even in more lofty endeavors; artwork, friendship, doing good works…

I’m excited about my new (and old) perspective:  I can’t do it all.  I’ll put this first.  

Jesus gave a teaching, addressing his audiences’ legitimate concerns about material things… clothing, food, anxieties about tomorrow.  He reminds them that he already knows all their needs and cares about them. The secret is that when he is in the center of their lives, everything else will fall into place.  (This is from Matthew chapter 6).

I’m counting on this.  It’s not that I’m abandoning hope of having a clean house, or dropping ten pounds, or making more art, or of brunching and hiking and slumber partying.  I’ve just remembered that these aren’t the things that belong at the center of my life. I get wacky when they are.

So now I have one New Year’s Resolution instead of 40.  It’s to nurture this relationship, and enjoy it and learn from it every day.  Whew!  That is really quite a relief.  I look forward to seeing what emerges in this pursuit.  I’m guessing more than I can hope for.

13 thoughts on “One Resolution…

  1. That is really profound and so true.

    When I had small children my 40 X 40 list would have been absurdly unattainable. Now that they’re both in school all day it is waaaaay too easy for me to waste time all day long while all of the things I hope to do (and need to do) pile up all around me. Suddenly it’s 3:00 and they’re home and I’ve done nothing for the day… I’m using my list to try to focus my attention. I’m not very good at focusing, I’m hoping that it will help… I’ve resolved not to feel defeated if I don’t manage to do it all 😉

    I think that your resolution says it all. I love it.

    BTW – I’m a Christian too and I dislike using the term for the same reasons you do.
    Heather B recently posted..The Sky ScarfMy Profile

    • Thanks, Erinn. I believe that is true, but sometimes I forget. 🙂 I’m glad for the opportunity to remind myself.
      – Heidi

    • Sweet, Jenni! I definitely find those words are great for perspective. Such a beautiful passage. I’m glad you like it too.

  2. that’s really the most important thing, heidi. if you write it down and post it, it will keep you on track when you are tired, over-busy, whatever. thank you very much for sharing. also i loved your pictures and how you got our attention! happy NEW year!
    Noreen Sullivan recently posted..moma 2My Profile

  3. I found this post so moving. Spirituality is so important to me, religion…that can rub uncomfortably sometimes. We went to Christmas Eve services with a dear friend this year (the first time for me and my family), and I wept as the choir walked in singing “Hark the Herald Angels Sing.” It was so beautiful and moving. And then the sermon? It felt pedantic and I felt talked down to. Less moving, for sure.

    I love what you wrote. I think it’ll keep you centered, and you might find it easier to manage the rest of the stuff. Thank you for sharing this journey. xo
    Lauren recently posted..looking back {still}My Profile

  4. What a beautiful post to read first thing this morning. I understand about the label ‘Christian’ and want to thank you for sharing your heart, instead of being afraid of criticism. I’ve been looking for other women of faith in BYW, and I look forward to reading your blog as you pursue your one goal instead of 40. Your post gives me hope! May God bless your 2012.
    Laurie Ashbach recently posted..The Christmas Fish HatsMy Profile

  5. Resolutions – fewer in number this year, really only one and cribbed from the Happiness Project at that – “be Sandra”. It’s so easy to second guess ourselves and even easier to do so when doing the blogging thing. I am recently back in the blogging game and resolve to be me and authentic and real and honest and let the chips fall where they may! Hah!

    Hoping to find a community locally and on the internets of creative folk trying to live an inspired, creative life…

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